I am Shikandini, waiting for that Moment

by MeeraMayaa

Writer notes:
Story of Tarun, who wishes to be Taruna but leading a life of Tarun, owing to the societal obligations.

Some are confident and some lead a confidential life. The later are worried about facing the family and society to live their Pride.
And this is my dedication to them.

Few Word meanings
Darpan – Mirror
Banarasi saree – A six yards saree
Sindhoor – a pigment applied as a dot on the forehead

Connecting the story of Tarun, with that of Shikhandini, a character from Mythological story Mahabharata, who along with her two sisters were ferried by Bhishma charya, in the previous birth deeming it as a punishment to king Kashi, for not inviting Hastinapur for the wedding.


Here am seated elegantly with my two sisters, Ambica and Ambalica.
All had eyes on me, and my eyes were searching for the Prince, yes, He is Salwa, The King of Saubala.

As I was dreaming our nights under the moon,
all of a sudden, the entire court was upside down, and it was a tsunami.

Oh, where did He come from,
It wasn’t Salwa.

They say, one who is here, is a handsome six feet.

Few minutes, we three sisters were ferried in his Diamond clad Chariot.

My heart slipped for second, asking who is he, why is he so handsome, is he married?

Oh no, why is my heart asking this
and, only to know that my heart skipped a beat,

And, Salwa like many Men, doubted on my purity.

Deceived, rejected and shamed I felt and I walked to Hastinapur.

And asked the Hunk, if he could marry me,
Oh, I did see a lively loving ember in his eyes, well he sun screened it immediately in the name of, “Celibacy.”

Years went on, so did my breath, my beauty and my life,
I felt hooked to the eagle’s toes, which has a no escape for the life time.

And I didn’t wait, for the destiny.

Several years passed by, holding on to the cloud for it to pour the grudge.
I prayed, I did all that I could, to be blessed by the three eyed Lord, to transform me inside out.

They say single woman can’t battle and I had no choice, but to let a “He-man,” walk in my mind, body and life.

Yes, I am Shikhandini
And am Shikandi, as well.

Here am again on the battle ground, achieving what I wanted to, through different births and forms, to see Bhishma on the bed of arrows.

Before I could feel the thirst filling my veins,
Ashwathama, yes the history may say he, killed Shikandi in the Kurukshetra war,

And I would say it’s your, Pithamaha who killed me several years back.

Do you see my blood flowing..
Don’t be happy,

This flow might dry, but it’s still fresh and I will be back!”


Curtain falls down, with Tarun on the stage, as Shikandi.

The entire stage was spellbound for a second, only to come back with a huge round of applause and it went on for a minute long, wondering how this man blew the entire audience and, no one can say it’s a Man.

Tarun had all smiles, as he lived the character, at least on the stage.

That character, he would wear with ease and passion anytime and he wishes someday he would in thr real world

Only to
smell those flowers,
cling the bangles,
Feel the texture of the saree,
wear that Sindhoor,

Which brings in the cheerfulness of a girl, within. He was always approached, to do a Karna’s role, he skinned into that role as well, only to play, Draupadi some day.

Tarun was a page 3 personality, leading a single life, love was always in the air and he breathed it as well. Scared about the society, the way they might look at him, within the four walls he loved dressing up in a saree, especially in his Mother’s red banarasi, painting the nails, wearing that mauve coloured lip gloss and the glass bangles.
Those glass bangles, which would sing his song of life.

This beauty, which only his friend Darpan, yes the Mirror knows. He narrates his drama filled day to the mirror, where he feels, at least mirror is kind enough to accept him as Taruna.

As he was admiring his beauty, Darpan took him back to the reflections of his past. That past, which was like a Bell toll.
It was at the age of twelve, Tarun felt few changes in his mind. He felt his mind was not accepting his Body, and being with the boys in his class. Slowly his friends observing these changes, started making fun of him. They wrote his name on the school compound walls, benches and in the washrooms including girls, that Tarun isn’t a Boy. Also they drew his picture wearing a salwar kameez.
It not only affected his scores, but his Mind and body as well.
Soon a note was sent to his parents, he thought at least they would understand. But they, didn’t either. He felt humiliated, shamed and threatened.

Only solution, for his parents were to take a transfer to Mumbai, The City of Dreams. Yes, it’s this city which gave him the stage.

He did try telling his parents about the changes in the mind and body, even five years back, only to be dumped deep inside.
Several years and he is still leading a life of Tarun.

His love for theatre grew in the college days, because that’s the only place where he lived his Role, a masked identity in saree, as Shikhandini. That role which is still finding a path, that path seeking fulfillment.

Tarun only wishes, at least his family accepts, as it would be a big support for him, to face the world.

It was 4.00 AM, he bid goodbye to his friend Darpan and grabbed some amount of sleep.

Like Darpan, Sun also was his best companion who saw him wearing the skin of the character that didn’t belong to him. Like a mother, Sun’s rays caressed Tarun’s silky shiny hair with a peck on his face.

Tarun wakes up with Taruna cocooned within, to fly one day..

And he will stage this life some day…


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Maanasa Murugesh July 14, 2019 - 10:21 am

A lovely depiction of the Mahabharata…..a masterpiece holding the essence of the epic…

MeeraMayaakatha July 15, 2019 - 5:54 pm

Thank you Maanasa


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